Lonely And Missing Your Spouse

So there are people out there that are a father strictly because their DNA is part of another human being. There are other fathers out there that don’t have any DNA connections at all. So what makes a father- a father?

My husband is a wonderful father. He was willing to leave his mother and sister and move three hours away for a job opportunity and a chance at a better education and life for our son at the time. Now that we have three boys and our home town has NO work what-so-ever and layoffs are happening left and right- I’m glad we made the move. I’m glad he was able to see that where we were was not going to help our family.

Of course, life is not perfect by far. Everyone is hurting right now. The economy sucks everywhere, it’s a fact of life right now. So sometimes the bread winner has to travel in order to make sure money is coming in. Sometimes the bread winner has to be gone days on end. Of course it’s hard- the kids miss the parent. Spouses miss each other.

While right now, I personally am not going through this. I know many that are. Many have their spouses hours away working trying to make sure that there is food on the table and clothes on the back. I know right now of a father struggling to make sure that his mortgage is paid and groceries are able to be bought. While at the same time his pregnant wife and toddler are hours away struggling to coup with his absence.

Of course he misses his family. He only gets to see them on the weekends. It’s for the greater good right? He wants to be there to see all the happy times, the falls, the firsts- but at the same time he knows that Monday through Friday he has to be where there is work. He has faced the facts that there is no work in his town.

I have been pregnant before with my husband gone. Before we actually moved to Pittsburgh, I drove to Pittsburgh every weekend to see my husband and be with him. Yes, it totally sucked having him gone, but you know what I guarantee that Dinker doesn’t remember that he was gone. I know he doesn’t remember he was just little.

I would take the time to take pictures of Dinker, film some videos of him, and write long emails to my husband of different things that Dinker did through the day so Marty would know that we loved him and missed him. I wanted to make sure that he was able to see the funny things that Dinker did throughout the day. Of course it broke Marty’s heart that Dinker called him “mama” till he was almost three but you know what Giggles made up for it when he called me “dada” until he was about two.

So anyway, when this father that I’m talking about goes home of course he has to take care of the house too. This past weekend he spent time doing the yard work that had to be done as there is no one else to do it and they don’t have the money to pay someone. So of course, he worked his son into the equation anyway possible. Let him ride on the lawn mower, let him help pick up sticks, and play in the dirt and do BOY things. Isn’t that being a dad? Isn’t that what being a father and husband is about- making sure the bills are paid, the house is cared for, and spending time with your loved ones anyway possible. Yes of course you may not be “playing” but to a little boy riding on a lawn mower is seriously the coolest thing in the world.

I’m really trying to put myself in her shoes too. However, when you ask your husband to drive home during the week after he had to work a ten hour shift in the hot weather for over two and a half hours in Western PA traffic. Then have him turn around and get up at four o’Clock in the morning to drive two and a half hours to work to then complete another ten hour shift. I’m sorry but that’s just wrong. Of course I want my husband with me as much as possible, but if he’s busting his butt to make sure I have food, clothing and shelter for me and my boys- I shouldn’t be asking that.

To say that he doesn’t care about us because he’s not physically there- that isn’t right. I know pregnancy hormones make you go nutty but you have to meet half way. Perhaps they should sell their home and move to where the work is? Sometimes that’s something you just have to do. Perhaps she needs to find some mommy friends to get out of the house and to get some adult interaction.

I know that my one night a month hanging out with my MOPS friends is seriously a blessed night. It’s time to just chill and not be a mom for the evening- in a sense anyway. I can let loose and relax. I don’t have to fold laundry, I don’t have to cook, I don’t have to worry. Maybe that would help fill her void is having friends.

I’m kind of upset at myself that I made this a “he said, she said” post but with jobs the way they are I know that there are moms out there going through this. I know there are fathers out there going through this. So what do you do when the emotions start getting heated? What do you do when it becomes a “you’re not a good parent” yelling fest?

What do you do when work is in one area of the state but your house is in another? What do you do to help the situation when you have two very stubborn people both with their children in their hearts, but arguing on the mind?

I’ve tried to let him know how she may be feeling, but it’s hard as I wasn’t stuck at home all the time like she is. I was willing to take the time to drive three hours to see my husband every weekend. I was willing to take time to fill him in on the baby’s day and then let him be so he could rest for his next day of work. I was willing to leave my house and go and visit with friends and go to the park, visit my mom, my mother-in-law.

I guess I should just keep my mouth closed but seriously what makes a father a father and what makes a mother a mother??